Pity parties are easy aren’t they?
Chronic health issues have very little to do with the body. They tend to infect the mind most seriously. Joy is drained and frustration and discouragement seem to insert themselves into the very DNA of the soul.
“God it’s not fair and I just want to teach and be there for people!”
These are noble things! Why would he make doing these things so hard?
My mind can be so cluttered by the “good.” My heart is noisy with dishes, paperwork, speeding tickets and lesson plans. I write of intentionality but I am to messy in mind to even begin thinking about intention. I become a retention pond of run off and muck rather than a reflection pool of the beauty and peace of Christ that I desire. During these times I have nothing to write and my creative outlets sit lonely on the trunk Grandpa made turned coffee table. Being too busy is a more honorable excuse but if I’m real I give in to laziness, pity and Netflix on the closest device rather than reading or producing thoughts worthy of benefiting the world. Even the beauty I attempt to create reflects my fallen humanity rather than “pushing back the effects of the fall revealing just a bit of the intense beauty of my Savior.”
Affliction leads to a strange kind of worship. Affliction lands me flat on my back, blinds pulled, eyes tightly shut, yet wide open looking up to see the One who is pursuing a relationship with me. What if I were able to develop the discipline of the slow? And yes, it is a discipline to go slow.
What if I were able to have genuine still time with my beautiful Lord without pain and sickness sidelining me? Would his still small voice be heard in every crevice of life? Is his beauty to be found in teaching, shopping, in the mundane, in a load of whites?
How do I learn to see the beauty in the slow?