Yes and No
Two words. Two tiny words, yet they have been on my mind a lot lately if I were to strip my thoughts down to the studs. Right now I am in a very free state of life. Newlyweds (can is still say that when we are over a year married?) no children yet, and that fact alone makes us quite free. Free to say yes. A lot. It’s easy to get caught up in words like involved and intentionality and I love to live those words, however they often involve saying yes! With multiple chronic conditions however all these “yesses” often leave me feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and quite sick I hate feeling sick. It is so much easier to say yes then to be honest and transparent and explain again;
“No, it’s not a real diagnosis, but it really does hurt all over…”
It’s embarrassing and reminds me of the grieving that my heart is still doing over my supposedly 20-something body that works more like an 80-somethings body would.
No is hard.
My blue-heart (blue- incredibly relational personality) aches at not being available. I start to feel guilty and wonder if my heart is sheltering a sinful-selfishness.
“Christ was always available” Satan whispers
“Now that friend probably won’t ever talk to you again because you let her down” The deceiver hisses right into my heart.
Today a well-known story came to mind. One of the main characters I understand quite well.
“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
I can see Martha in the kitchen slamming pots around, heaving heavy manipulative sighs, mumbling under her breath. Finally she exclaims exasperated “Lord!! Make her help me!” I can hear his response gentle and quiet yet powerful. “One thing is necessary, Just one. Mary’s decision is good.
How do I get there? How do you learn to choose the one good thing?
I used to work with my Dad doing construction type side jobs. I used to hate going with him the first few days of the job. Tearing apart, removing the ancillary and the awkward. Pulling out poor decisions and design choices.
That is what my yessing needs. A removal of the old construct. A total gut job, replaced with one good thing. Simple undivided time with my Lord.
Some of the inspiration from for this post came from reading this book from one of my favorite authors.